Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She even gives head with a lisp.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
