We're facebook friends in real life
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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