I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
