You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
