I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
