Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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