did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
