just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
