I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
