Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
