whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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