this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
