note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i drank out of a bidet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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