Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
