$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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