Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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