I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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