I hate all girls vehemently.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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