listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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