I have demons in me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
