Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
