Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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