If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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