so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
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Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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