i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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