just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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