K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
