True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
