She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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