I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize