he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
