I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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