i was born a porn star she said
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize