Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
