I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
