I want to stick my p in your. b.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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