Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
