Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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