Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
