I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
