she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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