Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
