The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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