Moan for me like Helen Keller
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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