He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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