i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
