I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
