so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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