the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
