This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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