i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
