We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
