I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
