we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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