yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
