how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
