were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
